


Hurricane

by TaMeaut



Series: Storm Arc [2]
Category: Sungkyunkwan Scandal
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-02
Updated: 2011-11-02
Packaged: 2017-10-25 15:22:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/271811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaMeaut/pseuds/TaMeaut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Its been one and a half years since Yong Ha left for Qing and took his heart with him. Everyone's life’s are moving forward except for one, Moon Jae Shin. What will he do? And why? And in the end will the answer he gets, free him or will it bring him something entirely different?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurricane

**Title** : Hurricane  
 **Series** : Sungkyunkwan Scandal  
 **Soundtrack** : Hurricane - 30 Seconds to Mars  
 **Spoilers** : -  
 **Time frame** : After series end  
 **Summary** : Its been one and a half years since Yong Ha left for Qing and took his heart with him. Everyone's life’s are moving forward except for one, Moon Jae Shin. What will he do? And why? And in the end will the answer he gets, free him or will it bring him something entirely different?  
 **Excerpt** : “ _The mere thought made Jae Shin sick to the stomach. It had never occurred to him.  
For some reason he had imagined Yong Ha to be in the same state as himself. How foolish_”  
 **Pairings** : Moon Jae Shin/Gu Yong Ha  
 **Word count** : ~9800  
 **Rating** : M (angst, violence, romance)  
 **Warning** :...can't...stop...myself...from...poetry....overdose...  
 **Other** : This is the continuation of my oneshot “Storm”. I was not planning on writing a continuation from the beginning but I had an epiphany and suddenly the plot was clear. The lyrics in "italic" are from “Hurricane” by 30 Seconds to Mars and the conversation in " _italic_ " are from “Storm” except the “ ** _destiny_** ” quote that is from “Kung Fu Panda”. Min-Min means “bright-bright” and Ae-Mi means “love-eternal”, they are completely invented by me using korean composite names.  
 **Thanks** :

___________________________________________________________________________________

“ _No matter how many deaths that I die, I will never forget  
No matter how many lives that I live, I will never regret  
There is a fire inside of the heart and a riot about to explode into flames_”

One runs, knowing why.  
One pursues, without knowing why.

Will one stop running, and accept the truth?  
Will the other stop pursuing, once he gets to know the truth?

Maybe one will meet his destiny, on the road he has taken to avoid it.  
Maybe the other will avoid his destiny, on the road he has taken to meet it.

Maybe we all do. One or the other.

No matter your choice in the end, just make sure you don't regret it.

Just follow the warmth.  
For the fire in your heart never lies.

\---

” _Where did you go?  
Heartbeat.  
I need a heartbeat._”

The caravan had stopped for the night and the small tents were scattered in the sand like little rocks, enhancing the vastness of the desert.

They were mostly Korean merchant on their way to Qing, wearing the classical coat and topknot that diffused them from the Chinese. Although one if them stood out even from the merchants, with his ruffian looks, his unkempt hair and piercing eyes.  
Moon Jae Shin threw a final glance at the horizon before he dusted his coat and entered his tent.

He grimaced at the sand pouring out of his shoe as he held it up.  
The sand was everywhere, penetrating everything, leaving an annoyingly gritty feeling. The same feeling he had in his heart ever since Yong Ha had left.

He peered out of his small tent but all he could see was sand, sand and an darkening sky bleeding into the horizon. It was never-ending, mirroring his questions.

Sitting down on his coat, eyes still on the horizon, he reached into his pocket to take out the reason for his journey. Carefully stroking the annoying sand of the rumpled note, he read the familiar words over and over again.

” ** _Wherever you go, go with all your heart_** ”

Gu Yong Ha. The name resounded in his heart until it skipped a beat and the familiar pressure over his chest took over.  
Heartbeat.  
What had been wrong with his heartbeat ever since Yong Ha left?  
He brought his hand up to his chest and felt the strong thumps of his heart, now back to its ordinary rhythm.  
As if his heart was trying to tell him something. Yet he was unable to decipher it, as he was unable to comprehend why Yong Ha had left.  
Why, why, why...why had he left? Why didn't he say anything? Why am I chasing him like my life depends on it?  
Jae Shin had said the last sentence out loud as if the desert would answer it for him. Silence.  
Again letting his eyes caress the carefully scripted words, so familiar to him now, did not just make his heart contract but his gut churned, making him slightly nauseous. He had been staring at the note for over a year and a half now, trying to coax something from it. He wanted something more than just the words, but there was nothing. One time he thought that maybe a smudge could be tears, another time he felt like the note was taunting him. Yet, the meaning was clear and the words were engraved in his soul. Yong Ha had taken his heart and left.  
What really was the mystery was why Jae Shin felt so disturbed by it.

If one was not to careful on how to phrase it one could say that Yong Ha not only taken his heart and left but also taken Jae Shins. Ridiculous idea. Jae Shin huffed at the idea.  
Yet, his heart skipped another beat.

The first days, after Yong Ha had left, Jae Shin had thought that he was just mad at Yong Ha for not saying anything, but time passed and the feeling did not.  
He had kept reading the note over and over again, unable to let it go. His mind constantly analysing, his feet constantly pacing back and forward. Back and forward.

Time passed and suddenly a year had gone by. Not one word from Yong Ha. Jae Shin felt alien in his skin.  
The void, that Yong Ha had left in Jae Shin's heart, felt unfathomable.  
Jae Shin was not unused to loss but he had never felt it like this. The loss of his brother had grown less with time but the loss of Yong Ha just grew larger for each day that passed.

When had Yong Ha started take such a big space? Somehow Yong Ha had become his entire world. No, that was just ridiculous...there was no way...

He had kept pacing back and forward.  
Strange feelings swirling in his core, feelings that took on words he didn’t dare speak out loud. Feelings he had never realised while Yong Ha had been in front of him. Feelings he had never held for Yoon He, he had realised one day, with a start.

Yes, what he felt for Yong Ha was something entirely different.  
When they had, no when HE had embraced Yong Ha, something had happened, as if Yong Ha had been a catalyst. He could admit as much.  
The warm feeling of Yong Ha in his arms, how he had fit perfectly, his hands tentatively touching Jae Shin's back. Remembering it was making his cheeks warm.  
He had to know what it meant.

So he had left his home. Chasing after the elusive answer and the even more elusive feeling.

And when he is in front of me I will...  
No, he refused to go into it. He just wanted to know why Yong Ha had left like that. They had been friends, so Yong Ha had an obligation to tell him. Yes, that's right. That was all there was to it. Nothing else.  
It was not as if he had gone on this wild goose-chase half across China just because he was in lo...  
He stopped before completing the phrase. Shaking his head, as if to clear the doubts, he refused to go further.

Yet, his heart would insist, skipping a beat every time he read the note.

Seeking answers, his mind replayed that last night, and those cryptic words.

“ _Just once... without asking any questions...Would you hold me? Really hold me..._ ”

He could still feel Yong Ha's heartbeat thumping against his chest.  
But as much as he could remember the pleasant feeling of holding Yong Ha, his final drunken words were haunting Jae Shin.

“ _Why did you come back?...why...I had almost forgotten...why...why...why_ ”

What had he meant? Forgotten what? Jae Shin thought he would crawl out of his skin of sheer impatience. He had to know what all this meant, what Yong Ha had meant.

“Aish!” He exclaimed as he closed the flap to the tent and annoyed threw himself on the blanket to catch some sleep before the fatiguing journey through the desert would commence once more.  
Yet he knew that sleep would not be calm, as it hadn't been since Yong Ha left.

He was deep in a disturbing dream when he heard the fearful voices in the background. Words that made too much sense. The words made Jae Shin leap up in an acute state of awareness, but it was already too late.  
“Sandstorm!”  
Before he had reached the tent flap, the storm was over them like a hurricane. Relentless, violent and unforgiving.

Just like the words in Yong Ha's note.

Outside it was darkness and chaos, mingled with desperate people running around trying to tie down anything that could blow away. The wind was scorching, turning little specks of sand to lethal projectiles. Jae Shin hurried to help hold the tethers for a flailing tent when a pole ripped loose and hit him right on the cheek. The impact was strong enough to send him to his knees and he saw stars for several seconds as he lost the grip on the rope. As the heavy tent collapsed, he didn't have a second to react in his confused state, and ended up painfully pinned to the ground with the main weight on his shoulders. It would be impossible to move it himself, he realised instinctively, relaxing into the sand trying to relieve some of the weight from the poles.  
As he laid there, conveniently covered from the storm, a thought came to his mind and he started laughing.

“So this is my Dae Sa Rae?” and he continued laughing as he remembered how Sun Joon had been pinned underneath the pile of poles right before the archery contest.

“It hurts like hell...doesn't it Sun Joon?” He stopped laughing as he realised how much it must have hurt pulling a bow after a hit like this. Reluctantly his esteem for Sun Joon rose a grade, as if he would need it – Jae Shin's esteem for Sun Joon was already sky high, or he would never have given up on Yoon Hee.  
There just wasn't any beating that man.

“but we won that contest, didn't we?” He chuckled. Maybe this time too, he would win. He just didn't know what the prize would be.

Occasionally dozing off, hearing the storm still rise, he no longer had any idea how long had he been there, but it felt long enough. He was hungry, thirsty and his shoulder had started to hurt seriously.

Somewhere along his thoughts and the storm he fell asleep, dreaming of Yong Ha flittering around, laughing his reverberating laugh. Before his mind gave out completely he thought he could hear Yong Ha's voice in a distance...

“Ahh, maybe that would be the prize then....” and he chuckled, making the pain in his shoulder increase tenfold and then all went black.

\---

“ _The love we had,  
we had to let it go_”

 

Gu Yong Ha's heart was not breaking. He had to tell himself.  
Yet the lump in his throat was making it hard to breath and his eyes were tearing up so much that he could no longer see the familiar figure lying unconscious on his bed.

It is true..., he thought, as his tears started falling unhindered.

“ ** _One often meets one's destiny, on the roads one takes to avoid it._** ”

How cruel fate is. No matter how hard I tried to let him go, here he is.  
Well, he always has been my destiny, hasn't he? It is just that I...have never...been his...

“Isn't that right, Moon Jae Shin?” He slowly touched Jae Shins cheek with his thumb.

Yong Ha smiled. Jae Shin had changed nothing. Nothing at all. That familiar mouth, the curve of his nose, the hair unkempt as always. It was as if time had stood still. As if Yong Ha had never left.

Yes, when they brought him in from the storm he had know straight away who it had been. He had felt it.  
At first he had thought that his deprived mind was playing tricks on him, that he was missing Jae Shin so much that his mind had conjured him up. A ghost to fill the void. For what would Moon Jae Shin be doing so far away from his home? But he had realised very quickly that he wasn't insane, and that indeed, Moon Jae Shin had come all this way to torment him. How cruel.

For Yong Ha, time had not stood still. It had moved in a torturous fast rate, changing everything, except the one thing he wanted changed. His heart. Yet he was proud of the man he had become, for he had changed and every time he looked in the mirror now he liked what he saw.  
No matter what secrets he kept under close guard in his heart, he was proud to be who he was. But would he be able to retain it, now that the key to his locked heart had come here. Maybe the destruction of everything Yong Ha had built up would follow in Jae Shins path.  
Not being able to tear his eyes away from Jae Shins face, he knew it didn't matter, for his heart was rejoicing at seeing Jae Shin again. Rejoicing until hurting.

Yong Ha knelt next to the bed, as everything he had kept locked in came rushing back at the fervour of a hurricane, levelling everything to the ground. He unconsciously brought his hand up to his chest, to the hollow space where his heart should be, where now a storm was raging.  
He should not have run away, he realised it now. It had solved nothing.

He had known deep down that his feelings would not change, yet he had to try.  
Coming here, he had reached an equilibrium where he could pretend to live, pretend he didn't love, pretend to be human. Yet after all this time and effort, he still felt hollow. A cannister without its content.

For one and a half years he had pretended. And now, the content of him was here, lying right in front of him.  
Here, the man he loved so deeply was lying right in front of him, and how he had missed him. He had missed him so much that he was overflowing at the sight of him.

No, his heart wasn't breaking. He had none anymore. When he left without saying a word he had left his heart. He had made his decision, he had done the best he could at the time, yet here Moon Jae Shin was lying as if to taunt his decision. As if fate was telling him “you thought you would get away? I will follow you always, for there is no escape...from love.”

The sharpness of the pain made him gasp as he increased the pressure of his hands to his chest.  
He was so lost in his torment that he didn't feel the tug on his coat at first, until he heard a low gurgling. Turning, he realised that Min-Min was sitting right next to him, tugging at his coat, looking at him with her huge black eyes as if to say that she understood.

Not being able to help himself he smiled and lifted the baby to cradle in his arms. Yes, this was his equilibrium. His reason for staying human.

“Shh, its ok Min-Min. Papa is fine. See...” he cooed in to her ear and continued to cradle her as he could feel the intense pain slowly giving way to a dull ache. It was still there but it was becoming bearable.

“Thank you, Min-Min...what would papa do without you?” He stood up and with another glance on the source of both his utmost joy and pain, he left the room, leaving in his wake a vortex of dust particles swirling around.

\---

“ _Burn let it all burn.  
This hurricane's chasing us all underground_”

 

Jae Shin was slowly coming to, the sound of a child playing entering his mind. He slowly twisted his head towards the sound.

The baby was sitting on the floor playing with a wooden horse. Its content gurgling as it was bashing the horse on the floor was so endearing that Jae Shin caught himself smiling. The scene was so peaceful that he almost fell asleep again but his eyes snapped open as a familiar figure walked into the room towards the baby. He would have recognised that fluid movement and that deep vibrating voice anywhere.

“There you are...you shouldn't be here..you will wake our guest, love.”

Jae Shin could not breath as the familiar voice echoed in his empty heart and it struck him how much he had really missed Yong Ha. He fervently started to get up from the bed and almost called out, but stopped in a movement as Yong Ha bent over the baby, lifted her and gave her a big smack on the cheek making the baby gurgle in contentment.

“Who is papa's girl? Are you papa's girl?”

Jae Shin's breath got caught in his throat and his heart made a painful leap as he realised that the baby must be Yong Ha's.  
Yong Ha's child.  
The mere thought made Jae Shin sick to the stomach. It had never occurred to him.  
For some reason he had imagined Yong Ha to be in the same state as himself. Disoriented, lost, anything but this. How foolish he was.  
It seemed that the only persons who's life had been on hold was Jae Shin's, he finally understood that now. And it hurt, his entire chest felt like it had caught fire and was now burning out of control. It hurt enough to make him lie down again and shut his eyes, shutting out the loving scene of Yong Ha with his child.  
He should have known better. He should have understood.  
It all made sense now. Perfect sense. Horrible sense.

While Jae Shin had been chasing ghosts, everyone else had lived their lives. Happily.  
Jae Shin felt the utter fool.

“I should not have come...” His fists curled up so hard he could hear them crack.  
He couldn't decide if he was more mad over rushing after Yong Ha like a fool or the fact that Yong Ha had a family. Somehow it made him feel betrayed.

Abandoned, again.

And he still didn't understand why. It made him mad. He wanted to chase these feelings away. Or if he could not he would bury them in the underground of his mind, and heart. Or burn them out of his chest.

How funny, he realised. Here he had chased after Yong Ha like a hurricane, only to, in the end, want to bury the feelings that had brought him there.

Fate has a strange sense of humour.

\---

“ _Do you really want me,  
dead  
or alive to live a lie_”

 

The next time he woke up was to the sound of a woman humming a familiar tune. He could feel a gentle hand on his forehead and he reached up to grab it. Habit, he cursed to himself as the woman yelped in surprise.

“s..ssorry..” it was hard to speak.

“ssshhh...” the woman replied.  
“You have been very sick...don't speak...”

“I am fine...just need to...” Jae Shin protested and sat up. He had been through worse, yet he had to gasp as his shoulder was not responding well.

“You should lie down...You were hurt..” The woman put her cool hand on his shoulder and pressed but he was not yielding. Their battle stopped abruptly as a deep reverberating voice echoed in the room.

“You better let him do as he wants, there is no stopping Sungkyunkwan's Crazy Horse, once he makes up his mind” Yong Ha chuckled. He had lingered in the doorway, afraid to enter and yet dying to go in, and the battle of two wills had given him the perfect opportunity to get over his insecurities..

“Yes, but he really should take it easy...” The woman insisted.

“Ok, I will see what I can do, now leave us, please.” Yong Ha smiled at her assuredly as she left the room.

“That is one persistent wife you have there.” Jae Shin muttered as Yong Ha elegantly walked up to the bed and sat down on the stool, smoothing out any wrinkles his garb might have, as if it had been any royal banquet. Jae Shin smiled to himself at this innocent display of outwordly elegance that Yong Ha seemed saturated by without making any effort. Yong Ha was sitting so that Jae Shin could only focus on one part of his face. It was slightly frustrating since it made him unable to read Yong Ha's eyes.

“Wife?” Yong Ha exclaimed surprised and whipped his head around before catching himself. Quickly turning back his head he continued.  
“Ahh, yes...she can be pretty obstinate...just like Min-Min.” Yong Ha smiled but it did no reach his eyes. Jae Shin thinking he had a wife was maybe for the best. Yet, he couldn't avoid feeling slightly hurt by the thought that Jae Shin thought he was married.

“Min-Min?” Jae Shin had to ask, even though he knew perfectly well who it was.

“Ah, yes, you haven't met her yet. She is Ae-Mi's daugh.. I mean 'our' daughter. She will be one year soon.” Yong Ha's eyes went soft at the thought of his cute “daughter”.

“Ah.” Jae Shin averted his eyes as everything he had feared was confirmed. He didn't want to see the love in Yong Ha's face for his wife and daughter. It hurt.

Trying to raise himself even more from the half-lying position he had, he gasped out in pain as the shoulder made itself felt again.

“Jae Shin!” Yong Ha all forgot to hide his face at the exclamation of pain from Jae Shin.  
“Are you alright? Shall I fetch someone?”  
Jae Shin chuckled at the obvious concern that was so like Yong Ha, yet when he looked up, the laugh bubbling in his chest froze and all that came out was a half choked sound. For the first time he could see the reason why Yong Ha had sat in half profile when they were talking.

Yong Ha who had been frantic at Jae Shins pain had completely forgotten to keep his injured face in shadows. He had found it more practical when dealing with people, since the sight of the scar at his temple, often brought people to forget their business.  
It had already been one and a half years since the, now dead, marauder had sliced him, yet the scar seemed just as angry as before, sporting a red puckered surface starting at his hairline following an uneven trail which stopped right at his cheekbone.  
He thought himself that it didn't look so horrible, but maybe that was because he was used to seeing the scar every day. If they really wanted to see a horrible scar they should see his back. Yet the wound on his back was his pride, a small cost to pay for the lives of Ae-Mi and Min-Min.

Yet, as he saw the look in Jae Shin's eyes he felt very conscious of himself. He had always taken pride in being well dressed and groomed and here he was, dressed very simply in a Chinese robe of white cotton, his hair in a Chinese braid, rather than the Korean topknot, and a scar in his flawless face.

“Ah..yes..” He brought his hand up to his scar and looked away. For some reason he didn't want Jae Shin to see it, a ridiculous feeling, but he couldn't stop himself. How was it that Jae Shin managed to make him feel so self-conscious every time. He felt very girlish hiding like this. No, he couldn't revert back to his old self, he had to live life like he had decided. Which did not include hiding.  
So he bravely turned towards Jae Shin, on purpose giving him a full view of the scar.

Jae Shin was mute. What had happened to Yong Ha in the one and a half years he had been away? He skimmed over the scar and he could feel his heart contract. It hurt him when he thought of the pain it must have inflicted at its creation. He smiled gently at Yong Ha's reaction when Jae Shin had seen the scar. Before he would have squealed and complained how the scar would have destroyed his life, but here he sat completely still, not saying a word. Just his eyes telling the pain and effort it took him to live with this every day.  
Yong Ha had grown up. Maybe more than Jae Shin, he silently thought to himself as he mentally noted the simple garments and hair Yong Ha wore. It suited him more than he would know and it made him look younger than ever. If it had not been for his eyes. There was something in Yong Ha's eyes he couldn't place. Something new, and something hidden.

Almost getting lost in Yong Ha's gaze, a thought entered his head and his smile faltered. Of course Yong Ha had grown up, he had a family now. A wife and a child.

How would Jae Shin ever be able to ask him the questions that had been burning on his tongue for so long. Again he felt the familiar ache. He had come so far to know the truth, yet when it sat in front of him, his tongue was glued to his pallet. He opened his mouth to ask but no words came out. How do you ask such a thing? Jae Shin felt as the fool again.

It was as if history was repeating itself. Jae Shin was reliving Yoon He.  
When he had finally gotten the chance to tell her everything, it was already too late.  
Once again he was too late. Too late, and because he was a man that didn't like to impose, he too would repeat himself. He would not ask Yong Ha anything.  
Anything at all. For he knew that if he did, nothing would ever be the same.  
No, he would leave it at this. Yong Ha had a family and Jae Shin would not interfere, ever.  
Resolution formed in his heart and he could feel the last year's obsession melt away, as ice in spring.

Jae Shin was not speaking and Yong Ha could see a multitude of emotions play in his eyes as he was silently watching him. Yong Ha could see pain, amusement and finally resolution. Undefined resolution.

Although he didn't understand the implications he could see no disgust and Yong Ha was relieved. He realised that he had been terrified that Jae Shin would find the scar ugly. How vain he was, he scolded himself.

Finally Jae Shin spoke and only a very close friend would have heard the tremble in his voice.  
“The scar...how?”

“Ahh...it is a short, not very important story. It does not bother me to talk about it anymore...If you would like to hear it, that is...”

“Ah.”

\---

 **Yong Ha's story**

“ _Tell me would you kill, to save a life?_ ”

The blade had sunk into the man much easier than Yong Ha had thought. For some reason he had imagined killing a man would be much harder. Not like this.  
If it wasn't for the sticky blood seeping out and covering his hand, still holding the knife, he would have laughed out loud. Instead he gave out a choked sound as he let the knife go and took a step back as the man reached out a hand toward Yong Ha before he collapsed into a pile.

The chaotic sounds of people screaming were slowly seeping into his world again as the chock of taking a life was running of him in a river of angst. He had really done it.  
He, Gu Yong Ha had taken a life, and nothing would ever be the same.  
He felt frozen in place, yet calmer than he had ever felt.  
The wound on his temple, that the now dead man had afflicted, was throbbing and the blood was blinding him on one eye. Yet, it meant nothing to him.

How was it that in the midst of this chaos he felt like the vortex of a hurricane. As if everything happening was not affecting him in anyway, as if he was just a spectator. And he was. Gu Yong Ha had always been a spectator in life, in friends, in love. Wasn't that why he had left?

He looked around at the people running, trying to escape the marauders merciless slaughter. How typical, he thought. Of all the caravans in the desert, they had to attack the caravan of his father, that he had also taken to get to Qing. No, to escape to Qing. Fate really had an interesting sense of humour.

Yong Ha felt as if he had spent his entire life running away from something. He was fed up. He didn't want to run anymore. Wasn't this why he had wanted to change?  
He looked at his hand that was drenched in blood.  
A grim resolve gripped him as he brought his bloody hand up to his face. Gu Yong Ha was through being a spectator. He was through loosing things, he...

Suddenly someone grabbed his shoulder and screamed in his ear.  
“RUN...” It was the sympathetic merchant that he had shared many evening with by the fire. His usually kind eyes were filled with panic and in the other hand he was holding a firm grip on his pregnant wife.

“Run...ru” Before Yong Ha even had a chance to reply, the merchants words got cut short by the arrow protruding from his chest. The man fell forward and Yong Ha caught him against his chest. For that second the man's whisper reached Yong Ha's ear.  
“Save her...our child...” As Yong Ha could see his eyes glaze over he heard the merchants wife scream in horror, yet all he could think of was the man's plead.

“...our child....” The only things that made sense in Yong Ha's world right now were these words, for he knew them to be true, she was most important and Gu Yong Ha would not loose this time.

“I promise...” and without further ceremony he gently put the dying man down and grabbed his hysterical wife by the wrist.  
“Run...” He screamed, and they did. They ran from chaos, horror and death. They ran for their lives, and the life of a yet unborn.

But they did not reach far. A large beast with a grinning marauder on top blocked their path.  
Yong Ha roughly pushed the woman behind him as he tried to find anything to fight with. Nothing. There was nothing to help and fear gripped Yong Ha's heart. Maybe he wouldn't be able to hold that promise after all. No, No, he refused to give up. He had nothing more to loose anyway.

In a scream of refusal he lounged himself on the man on the horse. It was crazy, reckless and completely unlike Yong Ha. Yet, it worked. The man on the horse was so surprised by the attack from the prissy man in front of him, that it had never occurred to him that he would fight back, and Yong Ha was stronger than he thought. The man fell of the horse in a surprised thunk and Yong Ha went for the sword. Before the marauder had caught his breath, it was stolen away by his own sword lodged in his chest.

He had done it. He had killed. Again. Yet this time he felt light-headed and triumphant, for this time he had protected someone. He, Gu Yong Ha had protected someone. Laughing out loud, he turned around to the woman only to have his smile falter when he realised that another marauder had sneaked up behind them. The man was now busy trying to rip the clothes of the terrified woman, and it was obvious what his intention was.

Gu Yong Ha went cold as ice and for the first time in his life he went mad, really mad. Or rather insane.

It started as a prickle in his neck. Clenching his jaws he felt it wander over his neck, sinking into his muscles, tensing, flexing. Gritting his teeth, the red fog slowly crept into the corners of his eyes until all was coloured blood, seeping into his heart.  
He could hear his knuckles cracking as his hands curled up, forcefully making his nails sink into the soft flesh of the palm.

The feeling of flesh breaking and bleeding was satisfying, but not nearly enough. Riding his endorphins from the chock of killing, Yong Ha's lip curled upward and showed his teeth in a feral grin. He felt invincible, and this time he would not loose. Never again.

He grabbed the sword lodged in the chest of the dead attacker, it gave way with a fleshy satisfying sound. Then he briskly walked up to the occupied marauder and stabbed him with all his might in the neck. The blow was so fatal that it almost took his entire head of and he collapsed dead, on top of the screaming woman, without making any noise.

Yong Ha grabbed the corpse and dragged it off the hysterical woman, who stopped screaming as soon as she saw Yong Ha's eyes.

Even to this day she refused to tell him what she had seen in his eyes that time. Yong Ha chuckled to himself. Maybe it was for the best, for he didn't really want to know what kind of beast was inside him. He wasn't ready yet, if he ever would be.

He had helped her stand up and she had fallen into his arms. Somehow the warm body had brought memories to the surface. Another time, another place, a love lost. It was slowly bringing him to his senses.

Just as the chock was clearing he had looked over her shoulder and seen the man launching himself at them with his sword raised menacingly high. Before Yong Ha had known it, he had thrown her around and taken the slash in his back. Surprisingly it hadn't hurt at all. He had just kept holding her as the marauder lifted his sword to finish them off. A blow that never came.  
As the corners of his eyes were bleeding out the red of his anger and slowly absorbing the black, he could hear the troops signal. They were saved.

Relief flooded him and he lost the little power that had kept him standing so long, yet he never let go of his hold on the woman. She was crying now, as he could feel himself falling.

He had never felt so calm, or content. He had done it. He, Gu Yong Ha had protected someone.  
I did it Jae Shin. I did it. Would you be proud of me now? Would you?

“Please..someone help us..” the woman was crying helplessly. Yong Ha wanted to comfort her but for some reason it was difficult to talk or move.

“Sssshh...s'allright...'m fine..” His slurry words did nothing to comfort her, and his vision was giving out.  
Dying wasn't hard at all, he thought. It was just as easy as killing. As long as you don't fight it. And Yong Ha had no more reason to fight anymore.

“I's alrigh...'m Gu Y'ng Ha...I 'm fine...” and with a smile, darkness claimed him.

\----------

“ _Do you really want me,  
dead  
or alive to torture for my sins..._”

 

Jae Shin was quiet. He was shocked, appalled and proud. And Yong Ha could see it in his eyes. He had never retold this story to anyone before, and somehow he felt a little lighter. As if sharing the story made it less heavy to bear.

“I had no idea...Yong Ha” Jae Shin didn't know where to start. The story was incredible and he could feel, by just looking at Yong Ha, that every word was true. This was not another entertainment from the eternal jester, but a life changing experience.  
Yes, it explained Yong Ha's eyes. There was no games hidden there anymore. Yong Ha's eyes were all Yong Ha now, and Jae Shin decided that he liked this. He liked the directness he could see and for the first time he felt as if he could be himself completely without feeling as one of Gu Yong Ha's puppets. As Jae Shin was slowly taking in Yong Ha's new composure he was not prepared for the question.

“Why did you come?” Yong Ha could no longer stop himself. He had to know.

“Ah..that is..” Jae Shin had never been a good liar.  
“I was...I mean I wanted...eeeh..” This was no good. He could see Yong Ha narrow his eyes and he knew he was seeing right through his non-existent excuse. He had to invent something, now.  
“I am on a mission for the police force...top secret...” Jae Shin felt himself blushing at the atrocious idea but he had no better plan just now.

“Oh...” Yong Ha was genuinely impressed. He had always known Jae Shin was good, and that he would be perfect as a police with his sense of justice and righteousness, but this was impressive.

“So you didn't come here for me?” The words had slipped out of Yong Ha before he even knew it. Feebly trying to cover up his mistake, he added.  
“I mean, it was really pure chance that you ended up here, in my home.” Yong Ha added a small chuckle to cover his embarrassment. Of course Jae Shin would never have come here for Yong Ha, how ridiculous.

“Yes, pure chance.” Jae Shin added but in his mind he couldn't let go of the feeling that it was not chance that had played here but rather fate.

Cruel, inescapable fate.

\---

Jae Shin stayed, recuperating for more than two weeks in Yong Ha's home. He didn't want to admit it but the warmth of Yong Ha's humble home was like honey on his abused soul. Yong Ha's wife was amazingly pleasant and a marvellous cook and Min-Min turned into Jae Shin's treasure in no time. It was just irresistible when she crawled up to him and tried to gurgle his name. She became Jae Shins eternal shadow when he moved around in their home, continuously crawling after him as soon as he moved.  
Yong Ha just sighed and laughed. Of course his “daughter” would take a liking to the man he loved. She was very perceptive and Jae Shin was irresistible after all.

It so happened that the very first word she spoke was something that sounded suspiciously like “Goel Oh”, taking after Yong Ha, as he reverted back to his earlier days in no time. Jae Shin made it easy.

Yet, under the surface, Yong Ha was tortured. Having Jae Shin so close, yet unable to touch was a never ending punishment. Even worse, sometimes he could feel Jae Shin watching him and at those times something he had never seen before flashed in Jae Shin's eyes before disappearing so quickly he thought he had imagined it. Yet he could not hope. He did not dare to hope, as he was using all the force he had to just keep himself from breaking.  
Yong Ha dreaded the day Jae Shin would leave, knowing there was a good chance he would not be able to sustain it.

Jae Shin was also suffering in silence. The more he got to know this new Yong Ha, the more he wanted to stay, the more he wanted to be with him and tell him...Yes, it was becoming clearer and clearer the more he watched Yong Ha.

How had he never seen it before? How could he have missed it? It had been there laid out in front of him for so long. All had fallen into place one night as he was watching Yong Ha play with Min-Min, laughing loud. Yong Ha had turned his head towards Jae Shin and his glorious smile and the sheen in his eyes had slowly faltered, to be replaced by an infinite sadness that made Jae Shin's world tilt. It felt like torture to see that look in his eyes, unable to change it.  
In that instant Jae Shin would have done anything to hold Yong Ha, to wrap his arms around him.  
Yes, he had realised that he would give everything to make Yong Ha happy. More than anything he wanted him to smile and laugh. For that was when he was as most beautiful.

Caught in his thoughts he didn't hear Yong Ha walk up to him.  
“Jae Shin? Are you ok?” The concern was obvious, yet since he got no response from Jae Shin, Yong Ha put his hand on his shoulder.

“Jae Shin?”  
Startled out of his reverie, Jae Shin flew out of his chair, tripped on a chair-leg and fell on top of Yong Ha, making them both tumble roughly to the floor.

It took Jae Shin 0.68 seconds to realise that he was lying on top of Yong Ha, in a very compromising position, his mouth only millimetres away from Yong Ha's plump lips. Yet time could have stood still and he did not want to move. How easy it would be to just lean in and breach that last distance and end his torment.  
For he had finally realised what was missing.  
Yong Ha opened his eyes and found himself lost in the forest of Jae Shins smouldering eyes. Opening his mouth to voice something he found no words for what he wanted to say.

“Ohh, are you ok both of you?” Ae-Mi had come into the room and voiced her worry at finding both men of her household lying entangled on the floor, one of them wounded at that.

The moment was lost and Jae Shin struggled to get up without touching Yong Ha. He could feel his entire front burning from Yong Ha's body heat, his heart violently beating against his chest.

“Ah, yes...we stumbled..” Yong Ha sheepishly explained as he could feel his face reddening. He didn't dare look Jae Shin in the face.

“Well, if none of you are hurt then come and eat something.”  
They both sat down at the table and started eating in silence what Ae-Mi had brought in. The silence was helping Jae Shin who had come to a new decision in his heart. The tumble had strengthened it.

When they had finished the meal, Jae Shin voiced his new decision, out loud, as if to defy his violently throbbing heart.

“I am leaving, tomorrow.”

Yong Ha didn't dare look up. He could feel his heart contract and expand as it was pressing his blood around his body, yet every squeeze was turning heavier and heavier until he found himself short of breath.

“Ah..” was all Yong Ha could press out as he struggled to not throw himself in front of Jae Shin to beg him to stay. His entire body felt alien. He could feel the blood coursing underneath his skin, he could hear the sounds in his ears as the same blood passed through too narrow passages close to his eardrums. His hands went cold and he felt nauseous.  
Stop it, Yong Ha. You knew he would leave. Pull yourself together. Be a man. Be the man you have always wanted to be.  
He flexed his fists.  
“Yes, I will make sure you have everything you need.” He added as he contained himself and looked straight at Jae Shin. He tore his eyes away before they started tear up, stood up and went to look for Min-Min.

Jae Shin was looking after the receding figure while telling his treacherous heart to calm down. Then, without saying anything else, he also left the room, in the opposite direction.

Only Ae-Mi was still sitting at the table, with a confounded look in her eyes.

Ae-Mi found Yong Ha much later on the porch where he was showing her daughter the stars. The scene was so lovely that she couldn't help from smiling fondly.

She owed so much to Yong Ha that she would never be able to even start paying him back. He had saved her life, saved Min-Min's life and been given a horrible scar in its place. Yet he had never mentioned it, but given them both shelter and a home, without asking anything in return. He was like a real father to Min-Min, in place of her murdered one, without ever asking anything from her.

So she had decided to be his housekeeper, friend and confidant. She had offered more, but Yong Ha had just smiled sadly and told her that he had already given his heart away and that she deserved more than that.

She knew how much Yong Ha was suffering. She had understood that he was in love with someone he should not be in love with, and with time he had told her it was his best friend, a man. Yet she judged not. How could she. Yong Ha was her saviour and she loved him like a brother, maybe more. She just wanted him to be happy and she thought she had brought him a small measure of peace as they had lived here.

Now the man he was in love with had come and everything had been placed on a knifes edge. Yet she knew that Yong Ha would never mention anything and tilt the equilibrium. He was too considerate and kind. He was convinced that his love was unrequited and therefore he would say nothing. He would just keep suffering.

She on her part was not as convinced that it was unrequited. There were times when the strangers eyes shifted as they looked at Yong Ha, changed in a way that her husbands eyes had done when he had looked at her. For her, they had meant love.  
Yes, she was sure the stranger was not unaffected by Yong Ha, which had also been confirmed as she had come in and found them on the floor. An unaffected man would not have lingered like that and turned beet red when she had pointed it out. She chuckled.  
Shame, if she had seen them earlier she would not have interrupted them, but waited to see what the stranger would have done. She was almost certain he would have kissed Yong Ha. So why didn't he say anything? And now he had proclaimed that he would be leaving. It had hurt her to see Yong Ha's reaction to the news.

Aish, how come men were so complicated in love?  
It had been the same with her husband. If she hadn't sneaked into his bed one night, they would probably never had gotten married. She chuckled again, at the memory.  
Yes, she would have to intervene. She would do it for Yong Ha, and her heart filled with joy at the idea of Yong Ha smiling genuinely, from his heart.

Yes, she would give him love, if he would not do it himself.

That would be her gift to him.

Still chuckling she went in and left her two most important persons lingering on the porch, exploring the night sky.

\---

“Are you going to leave without saying good bye?” The words startled Jae Shin. He had on purpose gone up too early to do exactly that, but being caught he refused to admit it. Even to himself.  
Instead he threw the words back to the person uttering them.

“Did you get up extra early to make sure I was leaving?” The words were unnaturally harsh.

“Why would I want you to leave?” Ae-Mi was confounded.

“Well, doesn't every wife want exclusivity on their husbands?” Jae Shin didn't really know what he was saying, Ae-Mi had taken him unprepared, a feeling he wasn't used to making his words exaggeratively brutal. He was also unprepared for the next words that came.

“Yong Ha is not my husband.”

“Ah, yes...well I guess the formalities doesn't really matter out here.” Jae Shin was embarrassed to have raised the subject. It was none of his business if they were married or not.

“I don't think you understand. I am the housekeeper and friend of Gu Yong Ha. I am not his lover.” Ae-Mi didn't want to play this game anymore.

Jae Shin wasn't sure to understand.  
“But you have a child together?”

“No, I have a child, but Gu Yong Ha is not her father.”

“but I thought...but he said...” Jae Shins mind wasn't working anymore. Then a horrible thought came to him.  
“does Yong Ha know?”

“Wha..? Of course he knows...how slow can you be...” Ae-Mi was getting frustrated. This man was just not getting it. She would have to tell him everything.  
“Min-Min is the child I was bearing when our caravan was attacked one and a half years ago. My husband was killed and Yong Ha saved us from certain death.”  
“I am starting to understand how it was that you, never even once during ten years of friendship, understood that your best friend was in love with you. You are so slow its bordering on frustration.” Ae-Mi had walked up to Jae Shin, grabbed his shoulders and she was shaking him lightly as she was speaking.

“Who... is what?” Jae Shin didn't understand anything this woman was telling him. He felt the world turning around and around as her words were slowly seeping into his mind.

Somehow it sounds as if she telling me that she and Yong Ha are just friends, that Min-Min is not his child and that he is in love with me?

Of these three things one seemed to matter most and that was the one he voiced out loud, in surprise.  
“Yong Ha is in love with me?”

“Yes, and now that you know...What will you do?”

“What do you mean? Yong Ha can't be in love with me, that's ridiculous...why haven't he said anyth...” Jae Shin went quiet as all the pieces were slowly fitting together.  
Yong Ha looking at him sometimes with that look in his eyes.  
Yong Ha laughing and then turning quiet as Jae Shin's eyes strayed to Yoon Hee.  
Yong Ha hugging him, a little too long.  
Yong Ha crying silently as Jae Shin came back from a nightly raid wounded.  
Yong Ha asking him for a hug, that last evening.  
Yong Ha, crazy drunk, redecorating his room into chaos, the night before he left.

Yong Ha's words on the rumpled note.

Jae Shin was afraid to breath.  
“It was because of me, wasn't it?”  
“He left because of me...because he loves me...”

“Yes...and here you are...and now you know...” Ae-Mi had finally reached the thick-skulled man. All she could do now was hope.  
“Gu Yong Ha is very precious to me and I want to give him happiness, but I cannot..”  
“Only you...can do that.”

All this time Jae Shin had felt as if Yong Ha had unleashed a hurricane, throwing Jae Shin around in the storm without mercy, and now, he felt as if he was in the eye of it, looking out. He could see the storm raging around him, yet he was untouched.

Searching his pocket for the note he brought it out and rushed into the house. There was something he had to ask. Something important.

Yong Ha had just risen from bed and was splashing water on his face. He was only dressed in his pants and with his braid casually thrown over his shoulder, when Jae Shin crashed through his door. As Yong Ha had stood with his back towards the door, he froze in place. He didn't dare turn around and see Jae Shin's face. Instead he stared down into the bowl with water, where the waterdrops falling of his face were forming ringlets.  
All he could think of was that Jae Shin was leaving, and that now he had also seen the scar on Yong Ha's back. At the very least he would have liked him to leave without seeing the scar. He had no logical reason for this, except that it was as if the scar was a rift straight into his soul. It made him too vulnerable.  
Yet, despite his attempts to not uncover it, here he was. Completely exposed, naked.  
Any word coming from Jae Shins lips now would be the end of him.

Yes, fate was cruel.

Jae Shin, in his turn, had frozen in the doorway at the sight of the half naked Yong Ha. It had taken him several seconds to force his eyes from the water droplets lingering on Yong Ha's shoulder to the huge, grotesque scar on his back.  
Nothing, nothing in this world could have prepared him for the sight of this scar on Yong Ha's body.  
Unable to hold back, he let out a choked sound at the realisation that this scar was proof that Yong Ha had almost died. He had almost lost his Yong Ha and his heart skipped a beat at the thought. Ah, yes, his heartbeat. Now he finally knew what it meant and suddenly nothing was more important than the man in front of him. He could feel his heart blossom as he let the feelings he had held in for so long, fill it.  
Yes, this was the beginning.  
He felt amazingly free, for he now understood what Yong Ha's note meant. Yong Ha had not taken his heart and left. He had left it with Jae Shin, so he could bring it back to him, together with his heart.

Jae Shin had walked a path seeking his destiny and here he was, as far away from it as he could be. He was free and Yong Ha had made it possible.  
There was so much he wanted to give Yong Ha.

Jae Shin smiled and took a step towards the quiet figure in front of him.

Yong Ha heard the sound Jae Shin made and suddenly the ringlets in the bowl were multiplying as his hot tears started falling.  
Yes, this was the end.  
The end of all his efforts. He had tried so hard, yet now it was all undone. He had contained his feelings for over ten years, never even once saying anything. Plagued by Jae Shins love for another and his ignorance of Yong Ha's feelings, he had brutally left when he could not contain it any longer. Yet, not being able to stop himself he had left the note for Jae Shin, hoping deep down for something impossible.

Yong Ha had walked a path to avoid his destiny, yet here he was looking it dead in the eye. Now there was nothing more of him to give.

Suddenly, he felt a warm hand tentatively touching his exposed skin on his back. Yong Ha drew a shaky breath in shock.  
This was not what he had expected.

Jae Shin traced his hand over the back, over the scar and up to Yong Ha's neck. He was mesmerized. The feeling of Yong Ha's wet skin on the neck was making Jae Shins fingertips tingle. Why had he never done this before?  
Taking one more step closer, he reached around Yong Ha's waist and pulled him into his chest with a forceful tug, his face ending up right in the crook of Yong Ha's neck. Breathing in, Jae Shin could feel his heart pounding ever more strongly against Yong Ha's scar.

This was not at all what Yong Ha had expected.  
He didn't know how to respond. Was this another sinister plan from fate to utterly destroy him by making him hope? Why was Jae Shin hugging him? Why was he here? Yong Ha would have assumed he would sneak of in the night and never return. Yet here he was, holding on to Yong Ha as if it was all that stood between him and a void. Jae Shin's breath on his cool skin made him shiver and Yong Ha closed his eyes, lingering in the pleasure before judgement would be passed. Yet, the words whispered to him was not at all what he had expected, either.

“Wherever You go, I will go too...” As Jae Shin uttered the words loud, he knew they were true. For he had finally understood that Yong Ha was his heart. And he was Yong Ha's. That was what his heart had been trying to tell him for so long.  
“I will never let you go, again...”

It took a long time for Yong Ha relax into Jae Shins embrace. Even longer to understand the words. Yet when they struck him it was not through hearing, but through Jae Shins heartbeats against his scar. The meaning was as clear as it was strong entering through the rift, directly into his soul.  
Bringing his hand up to cover Jae Shins, he could feel the warmth penetrating his cold skin. It made him smile. Yes, maybe the path to follow has nothing to do with fate, but the heart. Letting Jae Shin warm him, Yong Ha decided that, yes it had to be true. Then he sighed and leant into Jae Shins embrace, the note that Jae Shin had dropped, abandoned on the floor.

…

As Jae Shin had stormed into the house, Ae-Mi had worriedly followed him, thinking that he was going to brutally assault Yong Ha, or something. But the way he had reacted to Yong Ha's scar told her everything. She had been right. He did indeed love Yong Ha.  
When he reached out his hand to touch Yong Ha she had discretely removed herself. Jae Shin would not hurt Yong Ha, ever again. Her task was done.  
She smiled to herself as she left the two men standing there, embracing.

Yes, love has nothing to do with fate, or the path you should take.  
Just follow the warmth of your heart, and fate will follow.

As she came out on the porch the sun was rising, colouring everything in a warm orange glow. Letting the rays linger on her face, she chuckled. She would have even more work to do now, with two men and a baby in her household. Yet she couldn't stop chuckling. She was going to enjoy this.

And the woman named “Love Eternal” went in and closed the door to a house where not fate, but heart, ruled.


End file.
